In the spirit of trying to be a better communicator — more direct — clearer — I think the title of this post accomplishes everything I want to say and more. Over the many years of writing on this website/blog, you have watched me transform in various ways. My blog is a public diary of sorts — centered around food (hence the name Food Revival)– and so I have to accept what comes with all of that. For many of us/you, food plays a pivotal role in many things — how we care for one another, how we care for ourselves, how we show love and appreciation, how we comfort ourselves and each other, and how we distract ourselves from the hard stuff. Amen? Amen.

Over the years, I’ve used food in all of those ways (and more). In 2021, (post COVID and an $8 million dollar capital campaign I was responsible for at work), I weighed the heaviest I have ever weighed in my life. I was trying to heal my stress with food and alcohol and it actually did the exact opposite. And so, three years ago I made a big adjustment and decided to go on Optavia AND quit drinking alcohol at the same time. I mean, there’s a reason I’m the way I am. Don’t just give me a chip, give me the entire bag. Don’t just ask me to start eating healthy, let me just do all the things at once.

So in 8 months, I lost 65 pounds. I really enjoyed the structure the plan gave me because I didn’t have to THINK about anything. I knew exactly what the plan was and I stuck with it. Ironically, after those 8 months I was the lowest weight I had ever been in my entire adult life and the more I lost, the more people commented on it. Everywhere I went, my weight loss (or alcohol-free choices) became the topic of conversation. That’s not a criticism, but just an acknowledgement of how weight loss and an alcohol-free lifestyle can be open for comments, criticisms, and vocal wonderings.

And here I am 2 years later and I’m still alcohol free AND I’m 25 pounds heavier than I was when I lost all the weight. There. I said it. I want to say it out loud because when I go places now, NOBODY talks about the way my body looks. In many ways, I’m thankful to be released from all of it, but there’s that other part of me that knows it is because people notice I’ve gained weight and they don’t know what to say. Or, maybe the world has healed and we aren’t commenting on people’s bodies anymore?

Here’s the deal: I lost a ton of weight fast. I kept a lot of it off walking and doing Pilates. Then I had to have intensive PT for back issues (thanks to degenerative discs, all that walking with not-so-great form, and doing Pilates without proper instruction). I also began experiencing signs of perimenopause and have been riding those turbulent waves this year. We also started planning for expansion at work. My kids don’t seem to stop growing and entering new phases of life I would rather not revisit (middle school and 4th grade multiplication), I stopped paying as close attention to the food portion of my plan and voila…here we are.

With all of those things being true, I also managed to not drink alcohol during ANY of it. I got a pain block for my back and it worked. I continued PT. I started Pilates again (with proper instruction this time) and have never been stronger. I didn’t gain all 65 pounds back. I still maintain a healthy(ish) diet. And I’m still me.

There are people who are really good with structure and then there are those of us learning HOW to be better with structure. I fall in the latter category. And if you look at the words on the side of my blog, you will see all of the tags I’ve used over the years: weight watchers, points, food, recipes, optavia, low-carb, weight loss, etc. I figured that if this blog is supposed to chronicle my food journey, I couldn’t leave out parts of my food journey that may be hard or frustrating or personal.

I struggle with consistency, maintenance, and structure. I also love food and the role it plays in my life (just look at my personal hobbies AND my work life). Where I am today in all of it is part of my journey and just another way of getting to know who I am in this moment and how to take care of myself. It is ever-changing and I’m learning to be okay with that. So, if you are struggling (especially after the holidays), please know that you matter — at any size. You matter during the hard, inconsistent, and challenging times. You matter during the joyful, consistent, and easier times.

You can be healthier in your mindset, stronger in your body, and fuller in your heart and still gain weight. You can also be out of sorts, worried, exhausted, and still gain weight. And really, it is nobody’s business but your own. I believe in myself and I believe in you. Wherever you fall, I just want you to know that your next journey is an important one and we must surround ourselves with love, care, and understanding if we are to be our best selves. I plan to do that as I continue down my own path and I invite you to join me.

My goals for this next part of the journey is to fuel, strengthen, and care for my body AND my heart. I sometimes forget those two go together and I’ve never been clearer as to how connected they both are. And the last thing I will say is if alcohol is taking up more brain, heart, and body space it needs to (and you are constantly thinking about it more than you’d like), I promise that you can change that too. My life has been transformed by the freedom that came when I decided to stop drinking (and you’ll notice I never say I’m done forever — it’s just the way I live my life right now) and I honestly am more proud of that than any of those 65 pounds I lost.

Whatever it is — however you need to grow in this moment — I want you to know that I believe you can do all of it.