If you’ve been paying attention to my social media feed or my blog, you’ve probably wondered, “Is Amanda okay? What’s going on with her?” Some of you have asked me that out loud, which I’ve appreciated.

I was encouraged to write more last night by two people I respect, so here I am attempting to answer the questions above. I stopped drinking alcohol almost two years ago and things started getting clearer, realer, deeper, fun, exciting, wonder-filled, awe-inspiring, interesting, challenging, hard, and everything in between. When you aren’t drinking, you end up confronting all those feelings one-by-one and also sometimes all at once. You start to find new things to soothe your spirit and for me, I found some new interests.

For one, I became obsessed with the Nordic lifestyle. You can blame or thank this YouTuber I found that lives in Svalbard. Every video allowed me to see a different way of living: Polar Nights! Midnight Sun! Tree-less landscapes covered in snow! Candlelight! Glaciers! Northern Lights! For a person raised in the South – who dreams of snow days even as an adult – my heart began to expand as I watched these videos and now I’m dreaming of going to Svalbard someday somehow. I’m sure Svalbard (or sub in any destination you are drawn to) isn’t magical all the time, but Svalbard is brand new and different for me and isn’t that magical enough?

I also became obsessed with… hold on. Let me shift some language here. I am easily excitable and can use extreme words. And for the record, I like being easily excitable. Anyway, I’m going to use a different word than “obsessed” because it makes it sound different than how it has felt this year. So, let’s back up, and rewind, shall we?

I FILLED MY WORLD UP with words this year. Lots of words. Mostly from Maria Popova and her brilliant website, The Marginalian. Lots of poetry. Books. Websites. Articles. Meaningful emails and texts. Words Words Words! I’ve never paid this much attention to words, honestly, and it has been such a wonderful journey. Words I didn’t know or know I needed to hear. I really found so many new ways of seeing this big, wide world thanks to all the words I experienced (and experienced through others). I am grateful (and did I mention also excitable?). Yay words!

Another saving grace for me was my walking ritual. I decided that I would walk as much as possible this year and I promised to pay attention on those walks. I didn’t want to walk to burn calories or increase my cardio. I refused to measure my distances, track my steps, or connect my heart rate to any damn device. I just decided to set out on a walk and the only requirement I had of myself was to pay attention and stay present. For the first time in a very long time, I discovered leaves, the sky, the way the light shone on the treetops, tiny mushrooms, the patterns leaves make on wet roads, the SEASONS, and everything in between. And as I walked, I listened to new music (something I also had forgotten to do over time) and found even MORE words.

Today is the Winter Solstice: the shortest day and longest night of the year. I’m choosing to reflect on this year’s discoveries (new and old), adventures (small and big), and expansion (vocabulary and heart). I’ll take a walk. I’ll light some candles. I’ll listen to the same music that carried me through this year. I will read some articles and fill myself up with new combinations of words like these:

“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, ‘Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.'” — Lewis Carroll


“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.” — John Steinbeck

So today, I am sending you wishes for comfort, sweetness, tenderness (my favorite word, I think, of 2023), wonder, and awe. I’m wishing for you the courage to simultaneously hold joy and sadness. I’m wishing you peace and love. I’ll be over here excitably celebrating all the words and walks and songs and solstices that await us. And yes, I’m definitely more than okay.

Xo,

A