I didn’t even look at the last time I posted because I know deep down in my heart it has been way too long. I keep calling this time of my life as “a particular season that will eventually pass.” Between having a baby and taking on the Executive Director role at Jones Valley Teaching Farm, this season ‘o mine has been a little bonkers. And when things are bonkers, I tend to let the bonkers take over all aspects of my life.
I’m not complaining, though. I mean, I complain sometimes, but most of the time, I’m cool with the bonkers. Like these two kids:
And watching incredibly talented colleagues and students do this work:
But with all of THAT, I don’t think I’ve managed other bits of my time very well. My one-year-old starts day care next week and we are responsible for filling out “getting to know the parents” forms. When we get to the “hobbies” portion, I’m always stumped. I know what I used to love doing: cooking, writing, blogging, taking photos of my kids, reading, walking, and hanging out with my husband or friends. Out of every single one of those things, I think the only thing I’m still doing regularly (and you will agree if you follow me on Facebook) is that I post photos of my kids. That’s it.
So, yes. This has been a particularly challenging and rewarding season all in one. But the season has to change. I can’t keep eating queso and drinking blue moons and blame it on this unique season ‘o mine. Fifteen pounds later and there is no doubt how I got here. But let’s talk about that for a second, shall we? There may be a time when someone just needs to gain fifteen pounds. Doesn’t make it right or healthy, but it’s real. Some people lose weight under stress. Not me. No siree. I buy the Biggie-sized fry and dip them in ranch.
But I know the season is over. I tried Whole30 two months ago and was super successful. Healthiest I’ve ever been, probably. But then I had a blue moon and a slice of toast and I swear I undid 30 days in a matter of 5 minutes. It was my first attempt to self-regulate and I actually succeeded, but I realized that it was too much for me to do long term.
Why am I writing this now on my neglected personal blog?
I guess to check in and say, “hey” to folks I never see and to assure you that I’m finding my way even if the journey has had one too many chicken nuggets thrown in the way. I guess it is also to acknowledge that sometimes women find their way the best they can. I work at a teaching farm for goodness sake, but frozen pizzas are still happening a lot of the time. It’s called life. But, I’m kind of tired of spending too much energy wishing I would have made a better choice at lunch or wishing I had time to walk in the mornings or read before going to bed or put the dang phone down and stop looking at Facebook or Instagram.
And so, I’m going to try to get back on track a bit. September is the month, perhaps? A new season where my kids are in the same place. A new season where I fill up on fruit like I used to. A new season where I build my schedule around a walk every now and then. A new season where I cook and plan and get it more together. And maybe just maybe I’ll write a little more — about food, the work I do, my kids, and who knows what else. And maybe after all of that, I can also go to dinner with my husband. Let’s hope I can make this stick.